We spend a lot of time talking to the teen moms at Almost Home. We do so because we know that developing healthy supportive relationships are the foundation of change and also because we want to better understand their perspectives so we can provide constructive support. My conversations with them are both enlightening and frustrating. Enlightening because I marvel at how they’ve managed to survive such devastating challenges like homelessness, physical and sexual abuse, and abandonment. What’s frustrating is that despite their ability to keep going in spite of these challenges most of them still refuse to take 100% responsibility for their lives and the choices they make. The unwillingness to accept responsibility for their lives is not something that is unique to teen mothers. We all are guilty of it. I mean when was the last time you heard someone say “I am responsible for this mistake, error, or screw up?” Rarely do we hear that. And therein lays the greatest obstacle that is not only holding back our teen moms but 99% of the rest of the world.
In our culture there is an intense desire to be off the hook, especially when it comes to why we haven’t accomplished something or achieved certain results in our own lives. Most people will even get defensive if you dare suggest that blaming, complaining, and making excuses are nothing more than cop outs for not creating the results you want. They behave as if the following formula were true: DESIRED RESULTS = NOT DESIRED RESULTS + EXCUSES. That just doesn’t add up, and yet not a day goes by when I don’t hear that very formula being used.
“The reason I didn’t go to school was because it was raining, or too cold, or too hot …”
“If it wasn’t for my mother/father/case worker/teacher (fill in the blank) I could have …”
“I just couldn’t get the report done on time because I was so swamped with other work” (a personal favorite used by employees everywhere)
The blaming, complaining, and excuse making has reached a point with our teen moms and staff that I’ve decided to issue a challenge. What if we spend one week taking 100% responsibility for everything in our lives and all the results we produce or fail to produce? This would mean that no matter what happened in the past or is currently happening in the present, we will take full responsibility for how we respond and results we get. We will not waste time trying to justify why something didn’t happen and instead get busy creating the reality we want.
I’m issuing this challenge to our girls and staff and invite you to join us. Will you take a stand for creating the results you want by accepting 100% responsibility for your life? If you are bold enough to take the challenge, share your results with me and the girls. I dare you to join the 100% club.
To Your Success,
Rhonda Gray
Executive Director
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I would like to be a volunteer at your facility. I was a teenage mother at the age of 17. If it had not been for my caring father and older brother, I could have easily been homeless. My older brother was the Director of Admissions at SIUE. He made sure that my financial paperwork was completed correctly. When the papers come back saying that I had filled them out incorrectly, I just wanted to stay at home with my baby son. My brother said “No, you are going to college.”
I was allowed to still live with my father until I graduated from college. You see the same year that I graduated from college is the same year that my son graduated from kindergarden. I am now a Children Service Worker with the State of Missouri.
I want to volunteer after my husband gets out of the hospital he has been their for almost 2 months.